Patience
– God revealed me; which is my true colour that I’ve been encountering and
habit somehow. So, here is the story: I woke up around 5am. So, then, I
prepared myself to go fetch one of the sister and straight to retreat soon. I
was in a good mood and yet excited. Boil water, bath, tea bags in a cup, a
bread. Toiletries not to forget and my bag pack. All is done. As soon as I open
the door, my shoes outside, my eyes direct to car park where I used to be, now
is gone. IT IS GONE MISSING!
Okay, I know! I started to cried. I
am crying like never ever before. Cry like a baby I guess. Haha. So, I panic. I
don’t know what to do. I opened my parent’s door room, they not there. I suspected
they are going to Labuan. It’s because they had mention Labuan last night
before dinner. I can’t think straight. I putted my thinking thoughts so much.
Very MUCH! Ughhh!
Next then, I knocking my lil bro’s
door room to ask for help. “Call bapa!” Cepat!!”. My lil bro says, “Kenapa?
Knapa bha!”. A concerned face he shown to me. A car maybe they drove to Labuan.
It was a chaos. As we both heading to front door, I see a car (looks like my
car shape though) heading to our house without hesitantly as if the driver owns
the land! It was really dark then. It is 5:50am. Who’d expected that, huh?! I
still crying.
Tenderness - As soon they reached, I ask them really loud. “Kamu
pigi mana tadi?” “Saya pikir kamu pigi Labuan!”. I ask them, I can’t even
control my voice’s volume to my parents. The whole house filled with two people
argue something. My heart was at trembling like a raging storm. And yet, my father told me the they went to pasar ikan. “Kan
saya suda bilang, saya drive pi Kokol awal pagi.”. My dad replied, “ Mana saya
tau ko pigi jalan jam berapa? Jam 7pagi pun awal pagi bha!”. (deep inside of my
heart, I know it was my fault though).
So, after the argument had the
storms and finally passes away, just like that, I straight drove my car. I told
them too. I honed them (to the house) to alarmed especially my dad. I didn’t tell
anyone including sisters that followed me in the car after I fetch her. I kept
it myself. But it came across my mind every time I want to focus my retreat
session. Period. So, this is my story. END.
· Patience;
God reveal me who I am when He put me into that kinda situation. This is not my
first time. But that day, that day is worse (I think). Honestly, I never see
myself react like that for I am alive for 24years. In fact, I am too old to
react like that. (Im 24y/o soon to be btw). I am impatience, rush things, can’t
wait. I see myself in that situation I’d have tendency to give an exaggeratedly
thought. Thought too much until couldn’t reachable. So, I learn how to be
patience with others and being understood (how does it look like, how does it
to be) on to be their footsteps. So, God called me to be a daughter full of
PATIENCE.
· Tenderness;
This are my great weakness. Major part of my LIFE. God put me in that situation
too. I see myself there; I was really bad girl, daughter and even as a friend. Less
tender, less gentle. The reason why I react in such way is; I don’t want to get
hurt. I don’t want to feel that feeling. I used to think that I don’t deserve
to be treated well. And when a friend, people do good to me, and those surround
me, I feel that they only doing that because they know they are good and it has
nothing to with me. Nothing, just nothing. And somehow I pushed them away.
Okay, enough for the sad part. After women’s retreat, I want to change. Change
for the better of me. I know I can. So, I learn to be gentle in words, in
action and gestures, my thought too and of course to myself even more. Nobody
loves me than I did. And God’s love revolves me.
Thank
you. Have a nice day.
